I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
