please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
