i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
