Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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