Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
