Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
