Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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