Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
