Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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