You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Randomize
