I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
