When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
