He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
