I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
