You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
