My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
