I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
is wine microwaveable?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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