I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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