Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I will die if light touches me.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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