I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
