i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm always down for nudity.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
