so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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