I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
