You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
we should paint friendship bongs
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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