A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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