so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
