i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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