That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
