You're my little dorito
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
