Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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