Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
