i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
