does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
