how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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