is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
