Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
