I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
