you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He felt like a one man threesome
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
