I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
