Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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