He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
