I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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