Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
