Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I enjoy the company of your penis
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
