...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
