I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
