I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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