I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
