Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
vagina is talking i cant
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
