i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
