About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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